I have the feeling that I have grown up so much in the past year. I have become so much calmer and kinder to myself. And even though I should not tell him, I believe a lot of credit belongs to my amazing Vittorio.
I am reading a book now with the very nice title "the ideal woman is a bitch". It describes the difference between a (too) nice woman and how she is treated by men and a self-respecting woman (the so called bitch). The first one will do everything she can to please her crush/man causing him to lose all intrest pretty soon because there is no more hunt in it for him. The second category or the bitch doesn't wait around for a man. Her selfrespect is too big for this. She will not jump for him and this makes him want her even more.
I realised that I was always more of a type 1 woman. If I am in love and committed to someone, I tend to put that other person before me and my own happiness. It's not like I will do something entirely against my will, but I would be a bit of a push-over I think.
The book also opened my eyes for how men treat women. Example:
The difference between the spontanious guy who uses you when he can't think of anything better (will refer to him as 1.) and the spontanious guy who is crazy about you (will refer to him as 2.)
1. His best mates always come in 1st place
2. His friends are complaining and teasing that they never see him again but he doesn't care.
1. He makes plans for trips with his friends but never invites you.
2. He keeps asking if you can get some time off so you can do stuff together
1. He calls to cancel plans for the same night. Later you call him back and you get his voicemail. The next day he calls you with a lame excuse.
2. If he has to cancel on you, he truly feels bad. He calls you as soon as he gets back from where he had to go because he has nothing to hide and wants you to know this.
1. He almost never takes you out and when he does it can surely not cost too much money. Maybe he will even ask you for a loan. Before you know it, you will be paying for his studies.
2. He will do everything to see you smile.
1. You let him know you have 1 free evening in the weekend. And even though he worked the entire week, he doesn't make himself available for you.
2. He almost always comes when you are available, unless he is away for his job or other important stuff.
Number 1 was Redlef in the end. Number 2 is Vittorio.
A huge difference. But why did you put up with that, you might ask.
At that time I still was that too nice person. I have been through so much and I just wanted to be loved and taken care of. In the beginning, he did. But after 4 months it started changing.
Not with Vittorio. He is consisent in everything he does. Now that we live together, every morning he kisses me after he silenced his alarm clock. And when he leaves for work, he comes back for another kiss and to wish me a good day at work.
After more than a year of being together, he is still the same sweetheart and he keeps surprising me with how nice he treats me. Complimenting me every day, making me feel special. The relationship with Redlef was an eye-opener that I deserve so much better. And look... I immediately got the very best.
xoxo
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Almost 1 year
In 9 days Vitto and I will officially be together for 1 year.
And every day I love him more. I was afraid for the living together part, that it would cause us to be irritated by each other. I know myself, I need a looot of attention and affection, but he is so amazing. I don't even have to ask for it, he comes to me automatically to snuggle.
He constantly cuddles and kisses me and really makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We have so much fun together, or can just be quiet together. We enjoy the moments together but also appreciate the times we spend apart. For instance, now Vittiorio is at the cinema with some friends to a movie I was not very interested in :-)
Of course I am far from a relationship expert, but here are some tips I can give from my personal experience when you just started living together:
#1 Give each other space
Sure, you are living together, but it doesn't mean you should do everything together. Vittorio goes to kickboxing twice a week and on those days I have to keep myself busy. It's good to find your own hobby. Go to yoga, take cooking classes, learn a new language... I decided to participate in the bootcamp lessons that are offered after my working hours at the office.
#2 Go to bed around the same hour
I think it's important for a couple to have at least a few days when they go to bed at the same time. Not just to have sex, but it's a part of a certain intimacy to share the evening ritual. A bit of snuggling before going to bed works miracles for your bonding. For me it's also good to improve my sleeping routine. I used to go to bed around 23 - 23.30. Now with Vitto, we go to bed around 22.30. We read a bit, cuddle a bit and around 23h we go to sleep.
#3 Have "Date nights"
You might think here: but we already see each other every day, isn't every night date night?
Sure. We come home from work, put on our relax clothes, cook, eat and drop ourselves on the couch.
As perfect as those week days are like that, you need to keep the spark alive in the weekend. Go to dinner and a movie. Or go to the early movie at 5, then come home and cook together and go out again. We did it yesterday (the last option). After the cooking, I changed, put on some make-up and we went to a bar with live music. We had some drinks, did some shots and enjoyed the good music.
#4 Don't sweat the small stuff
Your boyfriend doesn't put his dirty socks in the laundry basket? Or always keeps the cap of the toothpaste lingering around? Or something else that annoys you and caused you to snap at him? In the end, it's easier and less effort if you just do it yourself. In my opinion, it's not worth it getting worked up about these unsignificant things. He has his flaws, so do I. I look past his, and hope he also looks past mine. The thing is: if you keep getting too annoyed by the little things, you risk no longer seeing the bigger picture. He might not throw his socks in the laundry, but he does bring you your coffee in the morning exactly how you like it.
#5 Communication is key
Talk to each other how it is going. Not in the accusing way "it is so annoying that" or "I hate it how", but make it sound positive: "it would make me feel better if you threw your socks into the laundry." or "I love it when you..."
Besides this, keep complimenting each other. How great they look in a certain shirt, the way you like their hair, their smile,... Remind not only them but also yourself why you are so crazy about them. Complimenting each other already comes a long way in building a strong relationship. Your partner will feel valued, appreciated, sexy, loved. Just with a few words.
Keep the love strong,
Claudia
And every day I love him more. I was afraid for the living together part, that it would cause us to be irritated by each other. I know myself, I need a looot of attention and affection, but he is so amazing. I don't even have to ask for it, he comes to me automatically to snuggle.
He constantly cuddles and kisses me and really makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We have so much fun together, or can just be quiet together. We enjoy the moments together but also appreciate the times we spend apart. For instance, now Vittiorio is at the cinema with some friends to a movie I was not very interested in :-)
Of course I am far from a relationship expert, but here are some tips I can give from my personal experience when you just started living together:
#1 Give each other space
Sure, you are living together, but it doesn't mean you should do everything together. Vittorio goes to kickboxing twice a week and on those days I have to keep myself busy. It's good to find your own hobby. Go to yoga, take cooking classes, learn a new language... I decided to participate in the bootcamp lessons that are offered after my working hours at the office.
#2 Go to bed around the same hour
I think it's important for a couple to have at least a few days when they go to bed at the same time. Not just to have sex, but it's a part of a certain intimacy to share the evening ritual. A bit of snuggling before going to bed works miracles for your bonding. For me it's also good to improve my sleeping routine. I used to go to bed around 23 - 23.30. Now with Vitto, we go to bed around 22.30. We read a bit, cuddle a bit and around 23h we go to sleep.
#3 Have "Date nights"
You might think here: but we already see each other every day, isn't every night date night?
Sure. We come home from work, put on our relax clothes, cook, eat and drop ourselves on the couch.
As perfect as those week days are like that, you need to keep the spark alive in the weekend. Go to dinner and a movie. Or go to the early movie at 5, then come home and cook together and go out again. We did it yesterday (the last option). After the cooking, I changed, put on some make-up and we went to a bar with live music. We had some drinks, did some shots and enjoyed the good music.
#4 Don't sweat the small stuff
Your boyfriend doesn't put his dirty socks in the laundry basket? Or always keeps the cap of the toothpaste lingering around? Or something else that annoys you and caused you to snap at him? In the end, it's easier and less effort if you just do it yourself. In my opinion, it's not worth it getting worked up about these unsignificant things. He has his flaws, so do I. I look past his, and hope he also looks past mine. The thing is: if you keep getting too annoyed by the little things, you risk no longer seeing the bigger picture. He might not throw his socks in the laundry, but he does bring you your coffee in the morning exactly how you like it.
#5 Communication is key
Talk to each other how it is going. Not in the accusing way "it is so annoying that" or "I hate it how", but make it sound positive: "it would make me feel better if you threw your socks into the laundry." or "I love it when you..."
Besides this, keep complimenting each other. How great they look in a certain shirt, the way you like their hair, their smile,... Remind not only them but also yourself why you are so crazy about them. Complimenting each other already comes a long way in building a strong relationship. Your partner will feel valued, appreciated, sexy, loved. Just with a few words.
Keep the love strong,
Claudia
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