Period Pains

All women in the world dealing with their period and the 'joy' of period pains that comes with it can probably relate to this post. Mother Nature was in my opinion a bit unfair when she distributed these things. Men get all the fun stuff: the morning erections and wet dreams. We get to go to labour, suffer that damn menstrual cycle every month and everything that comes with it.

For me, the physical part of my period is not the worst. The first 2 days I have some minor to medium cramps, like someone is constantly poking in my uturus. After 5 days I'm usually back to 'normal', whatever that might be.

But the emotional part is the worst for me. A few days before the period, a lot of women suffer from PMS: premenstrual syndrome. A quick Google learns me that this might cause the following: "Common symptoms include acne, tender breasts, bloating, feeling tired. Psychological symptoms can be: depressed feelings, anxiousness, irritability and agression. Often symptoms are present for around six days." 

Well isn't this fun? No, it isn't. I notice these symptoms with myself when I start being even more emotional than I already am normally. The tiniest thing can upset me. I see a sad movie - I cry. I see a happy movie - I cry. If I could sleep for 6 days during this period, I would.

Also relationship wise this is a difficult time for me. In reality, nothing had changed. Vittorio still loves me as much as before. He is not the type to shout it off the rooftops or get too emotional about it. But in my head during this PMS period I am hypersensitive to detect the least change in his words and actions. The poor bastard. He is such a kind, loving and patient person. Sitting in Amsterdam, playing tanks on his tablet. Going to the movies by himself and watching his favourite soccer team play with friends. In between still texting me kisses and letting me know what's up. I notice all these things, and am grateful and appreciative that he keeps up the effort. It soothes my inner bitch during this period ;-)

For I cannot help but being a little more "on edge" and needy. I crave attention even more. No messages for a few hours? He forgot about me. A message but very plain and no kiss? Maybe there's something wrong. And I get upset. Make up scenarios in my head. Almost wanting to pick a fight to make him reassure me again that he still loves me and it's all good. It. Is. So. Exhausting.

That's why for me, "Period Pains" are more psychologically than physically. I suffer more from the first one than from the second one. I am aware of this, luckily and try to fight my inner dragon. I listen to music, read a book, take a walk or... write this blog so I can't pick a fight with him. I will be the one to conquer my inner dragon.

Period Pains. Fuck you.

The price of admission

There is no settling down without some settling for. There is no long-term relationship not just putting up with your partner’s flaws, but accepting them and then pretending they aren’t there. We like to call it in my house “paying the price of admission"

A really nice must-watch video by Dan Savage:

 

 

You can’t have a long-term relationship with someone unless you’re willing to identify the prices of admission you’re willing to pay — and the ones you’re not. But the ones you’re not — the list of things you’re not willing to put up with — you really have to be able to count [them] on one hand…

My boyfriend is a really lovely person. He’s intelligent, funny, and kind and he possesses many other impressive character traits such as playing tank wars on his iPad...

Every once in a while, however, he does something that makes me crazy. For example the idea of hanging his clothes up after he's taken them off is completely foreign to him. My appartment looks like a hurricane has passed when he has been there for a weekend (!).

But ok: fair is fair. I'm quite confident that some of my habits and preferences also trigger some annoyance with him. Maybe it is my autistic traits of having to know what's coming. My clinginess. He probably knows better than me - ehehehe.

I believe that many couples let these kinds of small issues, turn their once-lovely relationships into battlefields. It would probably cost me less time and energy to hang up my boyfriends clothes than lecturing him about it over and over again. When we spend too much energy focusing on the "negative" or annoying, we risk to lose sight of our partner as the intelligent, funny and kind person we fell in love with.

So there is where the price of admission steps in. The personal sacrifices, large and small, that make long-term relationships possible.

In my interpretation of the price of admission, the principle begins with the recognition that both partners are flawed. Deeply so. Repeat after me, “We acknowledge that we are flawed creatures.” It’s not just your partner who is flawed… but also you. (Don’t worry, I also find this part difficult.)

The second understanding of the price of admission is that we are both AMAZING. Not me more than him…not him more than me. We are both talented, interesting and unique souls deserving of love and respect. Nowhere is this more true than within this relationship that we created.

The third understanding is that it is perfectly natural for people who have become very familiar with one another to be annoyed by traits and habits that once charmed them so much.

The fourth and final understanding is that you must learn how to let most of it go. The price of admission – the price that you willingly pay to be with this lovely person who brings so much to your life, with whom you feel utterly safe and heard and at “home” – is that you do not hold on to the toxic little things that are choking the life out of your love and affection for one another.

When I see my love's clothes piled up on the sofa, I remind myself that last night, it was this man who cooked me an amazing dinner even though he was tired from a long day at work. And I recognize that this is the price of admission. And I am more than willing to pay it.

People, when they’re young, have this idea… “There’s someone out there who’s perfect for me There's the one.”

“The one” does not exist. “The one” is a lie. But the beautiful part of the lie is that it’s a lie you can tell yourself.And we then are obligated to live up to the lies we told each other about who we are — we are then forced to be better people than we actually are, because it’s expected of us by each other. And you can, in a long-term relationship, really make your lie-self come true — if you’re smart, and you demand it of them, and you’re willing to give it to them. You have to be willing not to see him chewing with his mouth open, if you want to be around for his better qualities. And then buy into the lie-version where he never does that. Right? And they will hopefully do the same for you.

That’s the only way you become “the one” — it’s because somebody is willing to pretend you are. “The one” that they were waiting for, “the one” they wanted, their “one.” Because you’re not — nobody is.

No two people are perfect for each other, ever, period — No two people are 100% sexually compatible, no two people are 100% emotionally compatible, no two people want the same things.

And if you can’t reconcile yourself to that, you will have no relationships that last longer than two months. And you know what? It’s not going to be their fault — it’s going to be your fault.