Daddy Lessons

They say a woman looks for a man like her father.

How you were treated by your father as you were growing up helps shape your view of men in general and what you expect from them. It sets a standard. How so? Because it was the first feeling of love that you have ever had for a man.

If you were raised by a very caring dad who looked after you, took care of you and treated you like his little princess, you might now look for similar treatment from who you date. Simultaneously, if your dad was more cold and distant, worked a lot and was always too busy, that is also setting a standard — a standard that could influence who you date. You might also make a point of steering clear of those qualities you might not have liked in your father, but the fact remains, those qualities did or do influence you.

I thought about this today. In the past, or now in the present, did I fall for guys like my father? But that led me to another thought: I feel like I have had 3 father figures in my life: my biological father Danny, Philip and Walter.

When I was little, my father was away from home a lot. And when he was home, he often was drunk. He was not an alcoholic or anything, but he was still very young when he had my brother and me (24 & 25). Furthermore, he was in the army with all same-aged colleagues so they tended to have some looong evenings. It's not that I don't have good memories of my dad, because I do. I remember him being very caring for the family. Thoughtful towards my mother: always gifts for her birthday, Valentine's day, Mother's day. If we only gave a squeek that we needed something, he fixed it for us. If we went out for dinner, he always paid. Always. When it came to material stuff, we were well-provided. But he was never a great sharer of his emotions. From my childhood to my teenage years: I never had a talk about emotions with my father. I didn't miss it either, I talked to my mother about those things. Now after the divorce, weird enough, it is actually possible for us to talk about feelings and these things. I guess we both had to mature a bit :)
But what did I learn from my father: a man puts his family on the 1st place and takes care of them.

Then Philip. In my teenage years I spent a lot of time at his place, because I was close friends with his daughter. Together with Nele (another friend) we spend weeks and months at their place. It started around when I was around 15. Even though it was just 1 street away from home, I spent many nights there. Because it was cosy, fun and Philip was not like regular dads. He was adventurous, loving, caring and fun. With him I could talk about feelings, emotions, relationships and so on. I remember some nights in the weekend we stayed up until 2 AM, then felt like eating pancakes and started baking them. The next day; we felt like going kayaking, Philip took us there. One Christmas Day, Philip called me and asked if I felt like going to Paris. We threw a mattress and some blankets in the back of his truck and he drove to Paris while we could sleep in the back. When we woke up, we had breakfast on the Champs-Elysées. When I had boyfriend-problems when I was studying in Hasselt and didn't feel good, he drove to Hasselt to pick me up, took me home, talked with me and the next morning he would drive me to school in Hasselt again. The friendship with his daugter didn't last, but I'm still very close to Philip today. I was even his best woman when he got remarried a few years ago!
What I learned from Philip: sharing emotions for a man is not weird. I've seen Philip cry, upset, and he taught me it's ok. Also: the sometimes crazy impulsive ideas I will remember forever.

And then last but not least: Walter. He was actually more my "professional dad". When I started working at Fruitsnacks in 2013, he was my manager there. Very quickly, he took me under his wings. He took me to many client meetings right from the start and shared many insight information of his international career at a big international company. He was also never mad or upset with me. Never in 3 years he raised his voice to me. There were always solutions to problems. And even if I fucked up something, he would stick out his neck for me to the management. Also when my relationship with Redlef was going down the drain, he was so supportive. The days I was not ok mentally I was excused. He let me go home earlier a few times because I was a wreck. I also talked with him a lot about what was going on, and he gave me some great advice. Also professionally he helped me grow a lot and gain a lot of confidence. He is the type of manager every company needs. He knows how to guide a team and get them and the company somewhere. 
What I learned from him: he made me stronger and more self-confident in my job and as a person by building me up instead of criticizing me. 

So if I combine the 3 above here: A man should provide for his family, be able to talk about his emotions, be a bit impulsive, positive and not too criticizing.

I think those are good daddy lessons. And the great news? I think I found a man just like that in Vitto :-)