Follow your heart

When you explain to your environment the life dilemmas you are in, more than once you will get the advice do "follow your heart". Also in love it is probably one of the most popular advices given. Do we believe that following our heart equals the road to happiness?

I think many people are willing to testify that this is not always true. Following your heart can also equal being completely wrong and slamming your head against the wall (methaphorically speaking, luckily!). But was it then your heart telling you to pick the wrong partner? Or should we just think more rationally?

It is something that I have already given a lot of thought. Making the rational choice can hurt, but in the long term it is almost always the best option.

Personal experience: after the break-up with Redlef he suddenly threw himself at my feet. He really tried to win me over again with flowers, letters, songs,... the whole shabang. I was heartbroken, still loved him so much despite everything he did to me. I saw myself growing old with him, having children, buying a house.. He tried to convince me to give him another chance, that I was all that he wanted and he would change. I was the woman of his dreams, I was the one he wanted to marry. All these words touched me and made me doubt. Should we try again? Could it work?

But then I started thinking rationally. Come on, Claudia. He cheated on you for the entire relationship. He lied to you to your face with a plain face. He is unreliable, a liar, a cheater and furthermore has no future at all. Not to mention his finances (or the lack of them). He was in debt. When pressure get's too high on him, he disappears. It happened several times that I could not reach him for hours. I cried myself to sleep also several times. Is this the life you want to sign up for?

So even though I still loved him, there was too much ratio to follow my heart. I knew that in the end, it would get broken again anyway.

One year later, and in a new (and very happy!) relationship with Vittorio, things are very different. At the start, I also had my concerns. What about the distance Amsterdam-Hasselt? What about the language barrier? Our both ex-files? His ex still living there? Are we both ready for another "fixed" relationship? I had butterflies for him, was for sure interested. Luckily these were all questions and concerns we both had, and could talk about. And both our rational hearts agreed: we will make it work.