Thai Massages

On a good day, maybe I would be ok with it. Maybe.

But yesterday, I was really tired from the long trip, irritable from a short night and not a lot of sleep and I could not deal with it.

Let me explain:
I spent the weekend in Belgium to celebrate an old colleague's birthday and see some friends. For the first time, I would come back on Sunday by car. Saturday was Carnaval in my hometown, and my colleague wanted to go there to celebrate - so we did. It was so much fun, that I was only in bed at 4.30. The day after, I was up again at 9.

Around 16h, I started my journey by car to Amsterdam. It went pretty well - the road was easy but boring (all straight ahead). Some nice music on, sun on my head: I was happy. One hour later I was yawning like there was no tomorrow. I needed energy. Badly. So I stopped at the first gas station to get an energy drink and some bubblegum. After resting 10 min, I continued my trip. I arrived at Weesp around 18.45, took the train to Muiderpoort and then the tram home, Eventually I arrived at 20.05.

My lovely amore had prepared bruschetta's for us and some tapas for dinner. So sweet to have everything ready by the time I came home! He knew I was tired and probably starving. We catched up during dinner about our weekends and exchanged some kisses.

"I had a Thai massage"

- By who, when and why, I joked back.

"Yesterday, by Silvia" 

...

 My stomach started aching.

- Why?

"Because she told me she just got certified to give Thai Massages and I told her about my shoulder"

I can't recall the exact conversation, so I won't try to copy paste it here to avoid putting it wrong, It didn't last long because I got up from the table to cool off and unpack my bags in the meantime.

Vittorio came after me to talk about it. He gave me a guilty face and hit himself on the hand, but at that point I could not laugh at all. I shared with him so many times my insecurity about his ex, about their 10y history, everything they shared. And knowing my history, that I've been cheated on not once, but even twice and how bad it scarred me. It's not that I don't trust him, because I do. But I have every reason in the world not to trust an ex. And a massage? That's a pretty intimate thing to get from your ex.

I tried to explain to him why I'm not okay with this, but I'm not sure I was able to convey the message very well. To him it might seem like not a big deal at all.But to me, it feels like a form of disrespect towards me. If you know my past and how I feel about your ex - please consider what it will do to me if you tell me she gave you a massage.

"I had two options, to tell you or not and I chose to tell you"

This emphasises that he realised very well that I would not be happy to hear this at all.

I went to bed thinking about this and woke up thinking about it again.

On a good day, maybe I would be ok with it. Maybe. But not today.