The fear to cheat

A funny title, right? The fear to cheat... Why would you be scared to cheat on someone? Just don't do it, it's as easy as that - right? But what if it isn't?

I read this article recently by a relationship therapist about cheating that put me to thinking again. The title was "Are you unfaithful when you kiss someone else?"

Description article:
Infidelity is described as a term that covers many things. From the once-in-a-lifetime drunken kiss with a colleague to the years long secret affair. A world of difference, also when it comes to impact on the partner and the relationship.

Apparently some people are bound to cheat "easier" than others. On average 1 out of 3 people cheat. Wow. That is a lot! Even though the biggest group makes the consideration: I might feel something for this person and he/she is attractive but I will resist the temptation. Because I have a partner to whom I promised to stay faithful to. Or because there are children who assume mom and dad are a team and there will not be a 3rd person.

But what struck me the most was what makes a person go overboard. It depends on the relationship you are in obviously and if you are happy with it. But also - and even more - of your emotional functioning. The things you saw and learned at home, your self-confidence and self image, your previous relationship experiences. If you, for instance have a low self image and you don't find enough attention and confirmation in your relationship, you are more susceptible to adultery. Because yes, of course your ego gets an enormous boost of this new fling who puts you on a pedestal. For some people this pattern can even show some pathological symptoms, in the sense that they always need a new conquest to experience the same feeling. It's a well that never gets filled, a form of separation anxiety: you want the appreciation of your partner so much that it is never enough and you seek it elsewhere all the time.

Conclusion of the article: adultry is destructive. Relationships start from a romantic love ideal, with exclusivity as the most important condition. 1 to 1 relationships Ensure a bond that is fulfilling, unique and safe. But not everyone was given an equal "equipment" to maintain this exclusivity and loyalty. It's not a judgement, but a fact.

Link to article here

After reading this article I felt a bit nauseous. I know I was not given the right equipment to start with, due to a childhood trauma and the divorce of my parents about 5 years ago. I also know that I need more attention than the average normal person in my relationship. But am I therefore more likely to cheat? I just became a little more scared with myself. This is not what I want to do or want to become. I want a happily ever after with 1 person...