Terrified/Hopeful

"What if I fall?"

Oh, but my darling

what if you fly?

The last few days I've been feeling really restless.

It's really dawning on me that the time is getting shorter here.

In less than one month I will live in Amsterdam.

As everything is getting arranged now (the packing, selling my furniture, making appointments for their pick-up, having people over to watch the appartment) it's like I'm getting cold feet.

Yes, I still want to be with Vittorio.

and yes, I still want to move to Amsterdam.

But I'm so scared.

Scared of it going wrong. Scared that it will not work out.

Scared that we made this decision too soon. Scared that we are just not compatible.

Scared that I will just feel lonely. Scared that I will not get used to the city.

Scared that I will not like my new job. Scared that my new job will not like me.

I know there's a solution to everything. I can move back to Belgium if it doesn't work out. There's plenty of people who are willing to give me a temporary sleeping place. I can get another job if I don't like it or it doesn't like me. I can try some new hobbies to meet new people. Make Skype appointments with current friends and family. 

It's just something that is so far out of my comfort zone. 

But maybe it's the best decision of my life?

What if it exceeds everything I was even too afraid to dream?

What if we become this amazing couple that only needs half a word to understand each other?

What if we never fight and have sex every night?

What if I farted glitter?

Errr.. ok. Too far.

I didn't mean to make this post too emotional. But the thing is: it's probably somewhere in the middle. I'm sure we will have our fights and disagreements. I'm sure we are different in many areas but also alike in so many others. I'm sure that I am sociable enough to make new friends, even though it takes time. I can do this.