Reassuring love

I have had my fair share of relationships so far. At the age of 27 I had about 12 of them. Some lasted only 2 weeks, others lasted 2 years. Sometimes I ended them, sometimes the other party did. You might find that number quite a lot by the way - or maybe not at all. I have been judged about it by some exes, but now I don't care anymore.

I have learned from each and every relationship and know now more than ever what I want and need and more importantly: what I don't want at all. Relationships can either give you energy, or drain you completely. This time - I think I met someone very special. I am a chronic overthinker, I just can't help myself from (over)analysing things.   I panick way too easily and let the made up scenario's in my head get to me. I realise this very well, but it is so hard to stop.

Anyway, the point I was getting to is that Vittorio is so much different from all the relationships I have had so far. My last couple of boyfriends I met through online dating because I believed that this was a perfect way of getting to know each other online and see if you are a good match. I think it is only now that I fully realise what a distorted image that can give you. Someone can pretend to be all they want online and write the nicest things, but be completely different when you are in a relationship with them.

If I met Vittorio online - which would not be much likely since he lives in Amsterdam - I am not sure we would have gotten to the point where we are now. I don't know. We are pretty different types of people with different intrests. I am very extraverted, he is more introverted. He likes to read about more 'intelligent' stuff where I lose myself in a brainless novel or a good (auto)biography. He loves history where I barely can remember anything I ever learned. I am emotional where he is super rational.

Again, the differences scared me (and honestly still scare me sometimes). But I also realised that these differences might just be how we complete each other. He calms me down where I can make him more extraverted. I am the planner where he is disorganized. He can teach me about history and I can teach him .. Well I don't know actually. Something else ;-)

But the love we share... It is so reassuring. He took the time to read me, get to know and understand me. And I did the same with him. Where at first I was very suspicious about getting hurt again that I tested his loyalty so much. I checked his phone (not proud of that) but I had to know he was true. After knowing each other for 1 year now and being "official" for about 8 months, I feel this calmness that I haven't felt for a very long time. We just returned from our first 10-day holiday together (which also went very very well) and I feel like the love is stronger than ever.

Even though at first he might not be what I was looking for, he turned out to be everything I need. Reassuring love.

And then...

"And then without even realizing it, with no warning at all, you will finally meet the one person that will end up meaning the world to you. Their presence in your life will enhance everything around you. Your attitude will become more pleasant. Your goals and dreams will seem like they are more attainable. They won't judge you or make you feel unappreciated. It will never be perfect timing but, you both will still manage to fit into each other's lives perfectly. You both will never have the perfect relationship but, this relationship will feel like it's the easiest relationship you have ever been in. You will help each other grow. You will encourage each other during the hardest times. You both will keep each other lifted when life wants to keep you both down. You really can't put a price on having a true companion in your corner to go through life with. The right person will make you feel like a weight has been lifted. They will help you breathe easier."


I come across beautiful or inspirational quotes almost every day. Comes with following those pages on social media ;-) Just reading them makes me hopeful about my future as well.
I used to believe that my prince on a white horse would be a love at first sight thing, crazy butterflies, that it all clicks from the first moment and everything is picture perfect. And if it's not, it's not true love.

As I grew older, I started realizing that I was hoping for the impossible. Relationships are never picture perfect. How can it ever be when you put 2 different characters with different backgrounds and values together? It takes time to get to know one another and to accept the other for who they are. Expecting them to change for you or having to change for them will not work in the long term. It's always possible to compromise of course.

I am an extremely emotional person who needs a lot of attention when in a relationship. I know this of myself, and so does my boyfriend. He on the other hand is more on himself and calm, independent. I'm not saying that I depend on him, but what I mean is that he is completely comfortable with being alone, where I tend to prefer to have people around.

I think we found a good way in between with hearing each other every morning, evening and a couple of times in between during the day. We have a Long Distance Relationshop (LDR) going for now (he in Amsterdam, me in Belgium) so that doesn't really help with the emotions and the attention, ahem. Luckily he understands my need to hear from him a lot, and I understand that he needs his me-time as well. I try not to bother him all the time and he tries to text me more. Because we value each other and each others feelings.

So no, this was not an 'instant click' thing. It is something we discussed and indicated what we both needed. I think it's beautiful when you can develop a good, strong relationship like that. Communication is key. You cannot expect the other person to know what is going on in your head and how you see things. And if you are different on some areas, talk about it and see if you can compromise. 

Stressy vs. Calm

I think one of the big plusses in this relationship is Vittorio's calmness. I have the tendency to stress about almost everything. Vittorio on the other hand is a very calm and relaxed person. At the beginning of our relationship I was still very anxious after all that happened with Redlef.

What if it goes wrong again? What if the distance between Hasselt and Amsterdam gets in between us? What if we just can't do this Long Distance Relationship thing? What if he meets someone else? For how long will we do this? Should I move to Amsterdam? But what about my furniture? And my car? Will his parents like me? Will there be a language barrier? I should learn Italian quickly. I'm telling you, once my brain sneaks into panick mode, it's all there.

Luckily I can talk to my man about my worries, my fears, my insecurities and he always knows how to calm me down again.

For example: we are planning a 3 day trip to the Ardens next week. We are going to the spa in Spa (hah!) for 1 day and I was reading reviews about it online. Not so good reviews. People saying it was more like an overrated pool instead of a spa. Too expensive for what it's worth. Oh no. I started panicking again. Should we just book 3 hours instead of an entire day then? Should we buy a combi-ticket with lunch included or not? What if it sucks and we want to get out? I told Vitto we might get dissapointed after Thermae 2000, but his words were: don't worry, we make the best out of it! And of course, he is right. That instantly calmed me down. We will make the best out of it.

After almost half a year of 'officially' being with Vitto and 10 months of knowing him, I already came a long way. I have my moments of insecurity of jealousy, but I can more easily get over them as well. Maybe it's a mix of his responding to my actions and the yoga classes I have been taking that made me this much more relaxed.

It also made me wonder if a 'calm' person with calmer hobbies might be exactly what a more nervous and anxious person needs. I think so. If I compare with who I was 1 year ago, with also a very nervous and also constantly active person, I changed a lot! His nervousness empowered mine and probably vice versa. And now maybe my 'great range of emotions' is also helping Vittorio express his. He knows I will understand and he can tell me anything.

I am looking forward to our little holiday that starts on thursday!! :-)